


Idiot Egg

by Anonymous



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Implied langiri, M/M, Making Out, Pale-Caliginous Vacillation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 07:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16445801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “You are the worst kisser I’ve had the misfortune of being in a quadrant with.”Tegiri has never been more embarrassed his whole life. He sputters- when he finally manages a response, he mentally curses himself for sounding just as offended as he feels.“You could’ve been more specific.”Azdaja tries to teach Tegiri how to kiss.





	Idiot Egg

“You are the worst kisser I’ve had the misfortune of being in a quadrant with.”

Tegiri has never been more embarrassed his whole life. He sputters- when he finally manages a response, he mentally curses himself for sounding just as offended as he feels.

“You could’ve been more specific.”

“I can get ‘more specific’. You forget to breathe through your nose and give my shoulders a death grip, first off,” Azdaja rants. “Slobbering all over me when it looks like you’re suffocating isn’t very enjoyable. You can only get one kiss in before panting for dear life, if it can even be called a kiss.”

“The art of kissing is subjective.”

Azdaja is seconds from face palming. “Do you get off on nearly passing out? I told you, anime isn’t accurate to real life. You’re in desperate need of my help.”

Tegiri rapidly averts his eyes. Okay, maybe he requires _some_ assistance. He’s just nervous, that’s all. Gulping, Tegiri forces himself to look at his kismesis. Is that sweat rolling down his forehead? He hopes Azdaja didn’t notice.

“Fine,” he says meekly. “Practice makes perfect. My blade wouldn’t be deadly if I didn’t sharpen it everyday, after all.”

Azdaja lets out a sigh of relief, but he knows this is just the first step. “We’ll start with your breathing, since that’s what you’re struggling the most with. I want you to hold your breath.”

He does just that, puffing up his cheeks. Azdaja groans.

“Don’t do that.”

He watches Tegiri’s cheeks deflate of air like a balloon. This was going to be a long night.

“Stay like that, I’m going to kiss you now.”

Tegiri nods immediately, both of fear and excitement. Azdaja takes a quick glance at Tegiri’s heaving chest. It looked like he had just emerged from water and sucked in every breath his lungs could manage. As gently as he can, Azdaja leans forward and kisses him. They stay like that for a while, Tegiri’s body completely stiff and on edge, but aside from that it’s actually bearable. Azdaja doesn’t do anything else, focusing on Tegiri’s breathing, studying his focused expression and the loud exhaling he makes through his nose.

‘He’s so tense, his lips aren’t even moving.’

When he pulls away, Tegiri is taking short breaths. It wasn’t as bad as the rough panting he did before, at least. The teal troll is staring at him, awaiting feedback.

“See? You’re improving already, thanks to my help,” Azdaja praises, “now you need to relax. Your body language is on the defense.”

“And what is that supposed to mean? A bringer of justice like myself must be on guard at all times.”

"You’re anxious, Tegiri. What’s the worst that could happen? Some harsh criticism?”

Tegiri shifts his weight on the loungeplank. “Yes,” he admits. “You are far more knowledgeable on this subject than I, a kouhai in this regard.”

Azdaja’s features soften. He runs his hands along Tegiri’s shoulders and forearms, easing the tension in his bones, pleased when he shivers but doesn’t pull away. His body feels warm, Azdaja notes, apprehensive but melting into the goldblood’s touch and giving off a soft exhale.

“Does this make you feel better?” Azdaja asks. He can gauge the answer from Tegiri’s body language, but he still wants verbal confirmation.

“I don’t _mind_ it,” answers Tegiri, his voice sounding less nasally than usual. “I… What’s next? From my memory another complaint was that I hold onto you too tight, but I think you’re just fragile.”

“You can’t make out with me like you make out with your body pillows.”

“They’re _collectibles_. I thought it was decided that we wouldn’t bring that up.”

“Yeah, but I like pissing you off.”

There is a frustrated noise that Tegiri lets out, and by god, Azdaja loves it. Tegiri now seems agitated by the soothing motions his kismesis is doing, his teeth gritting and hands digging into the loungeplank. The taller troll enjoys watching him scramble for a response.

“Anyway,” Tegiri says, switching the topic. He wraps his arms around Azdaja’s neck, considerably looser and didn’t give his kismesis a headache, which is always a plus. “How does this feel?”

Tegiri feels the light pressure of psionics grip his hand, watching with beady digits as it’s placed on Azdaja’s shoulder. “Better, but exploring could do you some good.”

Another kiss, except this time it’s a bit more aggressive, mostly for the feeling and less for teaching. Not that Tegiri cares- he tugs on Azdaja’s coat, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss, taking his criticism to heart and refraining from being too rough. Tegiri’s hands stay on his chest, because he has no idea where else to put them and fumbling around awkwardly isn’t the ideal situation right now, finding it harder to restrain himself with every passing second. Their mouths are moving and Tegiri tilts his head for a better angle, even if there’s not much of a difference on his end. It makes him feel like he’s contributing something to distract how jealous he is at the fact that all of this and more comes to his kismesis naturally. He didn’t have to remind himself to loosen his grip or to breathe.

Every press their bodies make, every strangled noise that manages to escape from Azdaja’s mouth, and Tegiri knows he has to keep his breathing in check but the shallow panting he’s doing right now is different enough from his desperate gasps for air that he hopes Azdaja will let this slide. And, oh, speaking of that- Azdaja is pulling away, allowing Tegiri to get that air he longed for.

Azdaja’s hands are firmly implanted on the tealblood’s hips. “I liked that a _lot_ more.”

“You’re so extra!” That insult would’ve hit harder if Tegiri didn’t sound breathless, teal spread on his cheeks. Azdaja’s voice has a gravelly undertone to it that makes his head swirl. It was actually pitiful how in love– how much he **hated** this guy.

“Hmm, aishiteru.”

“Daisuki is the better word for expressing love.”

“You know that but not how to kiss? Aho tamago.”

“Urusai, bakayaro. In case you don’t know, you just called me an idiot egg.”

Azdaja goes rigid. Tegiri watches as his expression sours, slowly realizing that he had made a colossal mistake. It’s a beautiful thing, not being the embarrassed one, getting back at him. And Tegiri feels this pride that’s way too sappy for his own good, because he’s seen anime that went in-depth on this exact emotion, tropes and all.

Fuck it.

“ _Kisama_ …” Azdaja’s speaking Eastern Alternian again, as if he could ever recover from ‘idiot egg’. “Don’t forget that I’m helping you to impress someone. Who’s the rainbow drinker you’re into? _Plank_?”

Never before has Tegiri witnessed a name be more butchered. What’s worse is that he immediately pieces it together, and his bloodpusher actually skips a beat. “His name is Lanque Bombyx,” Tegiri clarifies, “we’re not discussing this. We can barely be called acquaintances.”

“Oh, yes we are. He asked me about you a while back.”

Tegiri’s head perks up. He wants so badly to react in a collected manner, but he can’t suppress the flushed feeling he gets whenever Lanque is mentioned. He used to think that quadrants were useless past times, even if he some of his favorite anime heavily revolved around them. “When? He– he was interested in me? For what reason? Recite everything that you said because I don’t trust that you put forth a good impression of me.”

Every second that passes is agonizing. Azdaja feeds off of the attention, which is something that Tegiri has quickly come to learn, even if it’s annoying.

“He asked what it’s like being in a quadrant with you while we were at Super Topato Imports,” Azdaja reflects, stroking his chin thoughtfully. He pauses for dramatic effect. “You had walked away to get the ‘definitive’ version of an anime when he approached me. Although it’s nice that you’re refining your taste in trolls, I’m the best you’re going to get.”

“Get to the point,” Tegiri demands.

Azdaja has a shit eating grin on his face. “I told him that it’s the equivalent of being culled,” he reveals, raising his voice so that his kismesis hears it loud and clear. Any semblance of positive emotion vanishes from Tegiri. He looks absolutely crushed. Azdaja is unable to keep a straight face and starts uncontrollably snickering.

“I’m just fucking with you,” he manages through laughter, “there’s never a dull moment when you’re around. You’re the best kismesis I could ever ask for. That’s what I said to him, okay?”

“Azdaja, I am going to write your name in a Death Note,” Tegiri deadpans. He’s relieved beyond belief. “I will forget about ‘idiot egg’ if you volunteer to drop this conversation.”

“Deal.”

This has gotten out of hand. Psionics are used so that Tegiri’s hands are draped along Azdaja’s back, and wow, he has a lot of hair. He cups Tegiri’s chin to make him look at the goldblood, straight out of a shojo.

“Now, we’re going to use our tongues.” He’s aware that he’s jumping a couple of steps, but Tegiri doesn’t seem to mind. Rather, his kismesis tenses up in anticipation. Azdaja is a good teacher. He observes these little things. “Try not to get your saliva all over me, I’ll be putting in the effort. You just sit back and enjoy yourself.”

Tegiri looks like he’s going to reply. Probably to ask how it’s teaching if Azdaja’s doing everything, in that nasally voice of his, but all he does is shuffle slightly on the loungeplank. He allows himself to be kissed again, chastily at first, deciding to be a little daring and parting open his lips. Azdaja is surprised by his avidity. He has no time to react when Tegiri shoves his tongue in the goldblood’s mouth, almost choking in alarm and pulling away.

“I told you not to do anything!” Azdaja rebukes, coughing a bit. “You need to warn me in advance. I didn’t even know you were capable of that.”

Tegiri nods guiltily. “My intentions weren’t to startle you.”

They both lean forward this time, slower, gentler when they kiss. Tegiri runs his hands along Azdaja’s spindly back, letting out an embarrassing noise when Azdaja tilts his head with psionics to deepen the kiss. He breaks said kiss, but their faces are barely inches away from each other.

“Are you ready?” he asks. Tegiri stammers out an answer, his face entirely teal. Azdaja laughs a little at his enthusiasm, and within moments they’re kissing again. The tealblood allows Azdaja’s tongue into his mouth, flinching when their tongues meet. The feeling is new to him, so Azdaja restrains himself for the sake of his kismesis, gasping when Tegiri coils his tongue around Azdaja’s. He looks at the goldblood with those ridiculous eye contacts, and Azdaja can gauge what he wants. He doesn’t want him to hold back.

Fuck. He’s supposed to be teaching. Tegiri’s legs wrap around him, and his own hands are wandering Tegiri’s hips. Azdaja’s dignity is slipping away with every second, and he knows that Tegiri’s feeling the same, even as the tealblood clumsily kisses back with a little too much saliva involved. Their tongues briefly part so that Azdaja can explore Tegiri’s mouth, and Tegiri is tugging on his hair as he tilts his head back, his breath coming out raspy. The realization that he's never been kissed like this increases Azdaja's already inflated ego.

Azdaja notices that even **he’s** breathing heavily. He's getting carried away- fondling Tegiri in a way that gave him reactions he's never expected to see from Tegiri of all trolls, which makes it addicting. It’s remarkable that Tegiri hasn’t fucked up yet, even as their kissing becomes rougher by the minute, Tegiri reaching to hastily rub Azdaja’s horns. That earns him a cathartic, low groan that makes all of Azdaja’s bitching worth it, and he bites Tegiri’s lower lip in response. Tegiri didn’t want him to hold back, so that’s what he’s going to _get_ , his scouter pressing against the tealblood’s face as their tongues wrap around each other.

Tegiri’s shaking now, sucking in breaths that are harder and harder to get. He presses his hips against Azdaja’s, his kismesis invading his thoughts, wanting nothing but him. Tegiri moans as psionics grip his horns. God, _yes_ , he’s willing to tolerate everything he hates about Azdaja for more of this. It’s so good when he shuts up. His hips tremble and another pitiful noise escapes his lips, agitating Azdaja more and more, incoherent–

A string of saliva breaks between them as they pull away. They’re both panting, Tegiri especially, his glasses blurry. Neither of them speak until they gain control over their breathing.

“You looked **this** close to passing out,” Azdaja says with a stupid grin, scouter lopsided and hair messy.

“ _Azdaja_ ,” Tegiri moans, and oh god why did that come out as a moan- he realizes that there’s a bit of drool at the edge of his mouth. “You are the worst.”

“Remember to thank me when you and Lanque start making out,” he says. "I reserved your neck just for him."

Tegiri wishes that he passed out instead. He groans, examining the hands that had slid up his shirt and remained at his grubscars, how close their chests were, and then Azdaja’s ugly face when he smiles wearily.

“No need to be embarrassed." He pauses to get a couple more breaths in, readjusting his scouter. “I mean, you're drooling and clung to me nearly begging for more, but I can't blame you for that, can I?"

“Oh please. Keep it in your high-waisted pants.”

“Look, let's keep our arguing to a minimum. Do you want to keep going or not?”

“Hai. Just be gentler this time.”

Azdaja decides not to question it. All that matters to him is that Tegiri wants this, too. He lightly nips on Tegiri’s ear, and said troll visibly shudders exaggeratedly. His kismesis couldn't be subtle if he _tried_. Knowing this, instead of going right into tongue on tongue action, when Tegiri’s lips are on his he takes an experimental bite on the tealblood’s bottom lip. He gasps and his teeth almost clack against Azdaja's, but Azdaja manages to take hold of his cheek and motion him so that it doesn't happen. If this were with any other troll, he would use this moment of vulnerability to thrust his tongue in their mouth and just _devour_ them. He has to be patient with Tegiri, and that's fucking hard when he's your kismesis.

“S-sorry, you caught me off-”

Azdaja's voice sounds throaty in this moment, and there goes Tegiri's bloodpusher beating erratically again. “No more talking."

Tegiri tenses up, breath hitching, but it looks like he doesn't want this to stop. He presses his lips against Azdaja’s, and Azdaja can tell from the way they move that he's apprehensive. It's a different story when their tongues meet. He's eager, meeting the goldblood’s tongue with unskilled motions that's trying to mimic a rhythm. Azdaja should give him a second to breathe, but that's why he taught him to use his nose. He holds Tegiri’s cheek to keep him in place, and it takes all of his self control to prevent him from thrusting his tongue against his and take in the noises he would make. He sucks on the tealblood’s lower lip briefly, and then attempts to ease Tegiri into a manageable rhythm. Tegiri lets out a low moan, but stops himself halfway through. Azdaja considers teasing him for that, but more important matters are at hand.

The goldblood sighs as Tegiri runs his fingers along his horns, and then his back. It's not as needy as before, more so calming and made Azdaja's bloodpusher feel lighter, easing the stress of dealing with such a bad kisser. He places a knee between Tegiri's legs, ending the kiss to give him some time to breathe. After that awkward staring contest, they both lean forward at the same time and bump thinkpans. They exchange brief, concerned dialogue, and when the pain dies down they focus on each other's mouths instead. Azdaja's knee remains still, until he accidentally moves it when trying to readjust himself. Tegiri downright _whimpers_ at the contact, keening into his knee, so Azdaja decides to do it again, this time with intent. Tegiri makes a pleasured noise at this, and they both might've just learned something new about him. Azdaja smirks into the kiss.

This was going to be a long night.

 


End file.
